Friends & Lovers
This post is all about relationships with the opposite sex. No not just my outlook on women, I'm interested to know how people feel about having friends of the opposite sex that aren't love/sexual interests.
When I was a young man of 18 - 20 the concept of a woman being just my friend with no intimate interests was not only laughable but unbelievable. I didn't think it was realistic and I had disbelief in anyone who tried to convince me otherwise. I mean I was really serious about it too...LOL. (Just ask some ex-girlfriends/love interests). Wasn't until late in life and a couple of heartbreaks that I found myself able to open up to women and honestly build friendships. But in doing so you always run the risk of crossing a line or fearing that the other person may want to cross a line.
Am I the only one that feels this way? Haven't you had the friend of the opposite sex that hits you with that one flirtatious comment from left field at the opportune time and then try to laugh it off. Have you never noticed how attractive one of your friends was and wondered just for a second what it would be like to date them? Have you found yourself trying to hook someone up all the time because YOU think they are such a great person or maybe you got jealous because your friend tried to holla at someone you didn't like that much. And God forbid you try to be friends with an ex and all the feelings aren't resolved (who hasn't been there!! LOL). Sticky situations like those make me wonder was I that wrong in the past.
On the other hand, it's really frustrating when you are just friends and it's understood between the both of you and everyone else tries to say you should be together or there is something more there. I get that from time to time too. My cousin tried to hit me with that one just this weekend saying that a girl who is just a friend and is going through her own relationship stuff gave me "a look"...WTF?!? He does it pretty often though so maybe he just thinks very highly about my ability to attract women...LMAO! There are times where you just don't see the signs being thrown by a friend, and they say that your wife/husband should be your best friend. Oh and don't forget that all men want nothing from women but sex (LOL) and that women only keep male friends around as emergency backups incase it doesn't work out with the current guy (LMAO). I guess there are plenty of different ways you can look at it.
I'm just wondering is there a black and white answer for determining whether a man and woman are just friends....
Or if they are just love interests...
Or am I and a million other people just fooling ourselves into thinking that we don't live in this huge grey area where it is usually both circumstances?
Let me know what you think...
When I was a young man of 18 - 20 the concept of a woman being just my friend with no intimate interests was not only laughable but unbelievable. I didn't think it was realistic and I had disbelief in anyone who tried to convince me otherwise. I mean I was really serious about it too...LOL. (Just ask some ex-girlfriends/love interests). Wasn't until late in life and a couple of heartbreaks that I found myself able to open up to women and honestly build friendships. But in doing so you always run the risk of crossing a line or fearing that the other person may want to cross a line.
Am I the only one that feels this way? Haven't you had the friend of the opposite sex that hits you with that one flirtatious comment from left field at the opportune time and then try to laugh it off. Have you never noticed how attractive one of your friends was and wondered just for a second what it would be like to date them? Have you found yourself trying to hook someone up all the time because YOU think they are such a great person or maybe you got jealous because your friend tried to holla at someone you didn't like that much. And God forbid you try to be friends with an ex and all the feelings aren't resolved (who hasn't been there!! LOL). Sticky situations like those make me wonder was I that wrong in the past.
On the other hand, it's really frustrating when you are just friends and it's understood between the both of you and everyone else tries to say you should be together or there is something more there. I get that from time to time too. My cousin tried to hit me with that one just this weekend saying that a girl who is just a friend and is going through her own relationship stuff gave me "a look"...WTF?!? He does it pretty often though so maybe he just thinks very highly about my ability to attract women...LMAO! There are times where you just don't see the signs being thrown by a friend, and they say that your wife/husband should be your best friend. Oh and don't forget that all men want nothing from women but sex (LOL) and that women only keep male friends around as emergency backups incase it doesn't work out with the current guy (LMAO). I guess there are plenty of different ways you can look at it.
I'm just wondering is there a black and white answer for determining whether a man and woman are just friends....
Or if they are just love interests...
Or am I and a million other people just fooling ourselves into thinking that we don't live in this huge grey area where it is usually both circumstances?
Let me know what you think...
posted by Daneger at 12:32 PM
8 Comments:
I would have to say that we are naturally designed to be attracted to a person of the opposite sex, so when you see a person you cannot help but notice they are attractive. When you start to get to know a person whether, it's because you have an interest in them or you guys just happen to get along, you may find the attraction runs a little deeper. I may be alone on this one, but I think EVERYONE gets to a point where they ask themselves whether or not they want more than a friendship with a person (whether it's a discussion between the two or inner thoughts). Once you reach that point, you (or both) decide to either cross the line or walk away from it.
It is very possible to have a friend of the opposite sex...a platonic friend. In some cases, it's the best one to have because you learn so much about the person you are dating from them.
Wow. You got a lot going on in that post there! But I feel you. I feel everything you're saying. This has been the biggest debate ever since who knows when. My mother and father used to tell me that it is impossible for females and males to be platonic friends. Someone ALWAYS wants more and I absolutely agree.
I also agree that your husband/wife should be your friend first. So how that works, I'm not sure. But I do have a couple of guy friends, who quite possibly are just waiting for me to say the word, but who also know that I'm not interested in going there. I can hang out with them on occasion (in non-intimate settings of course!) and have a good time. But when I do so, my actions have to be consistent. I think it's all in the way you handle yourself when you're with that said 'friend'. If you want to send a signal, you will. If you want to keep it cool and fun, you can make that happen too.
I do not think that a girl can tell a guy (or vice versa) that they just want to be friends and still call them every single day, want to hang out all the time, or even communicate through email, or text, or whatever other forms of communication we have now, on the regular. That's straight confusing and unfair. If you want to be platonic friends with someone, treat them as such.
And no, there is no black and white. It's ALWAYS grey.
I like what 2focused said..."EVERYONE gets to a point where they ask themselves whether or not they want more than a friendship with a person (whether it's a discussion between the two or inner thoughts). Once you reach that point, you (or both) decide to either cross the line or walk away from it." So true.
Deep...its all grey...nothing else I can say about it...I think JAC and 2 focused said pretty much everything I was thinkging...
I value all of your opinions but I really hope Bone chimes in on this one so I can hear at least one male point of view. It is interesting that all the ladies feel very similar to each other. So ladies, do you have trouble trusting a man if he has female friends that he is cool with or isn't it something that doesn't bother you (whether you voice it or not)?
Nah. I never had an issue. I feel like I'm too old for that petty nonsense. Being jealous of frienships or having trust issues. Of course he's going to have female friends in his life, just as I will have male ones. But when you're with someone, you can tell from their actions, demeanor and attitude whether they're all about you or not, regardless of how many female friends they have. Usually when a man meets the woman he REALLY wants to kick it with, all those 'friends' no longer matter. His dedication usually shows that. If he gives her a reason to think that these 'friendships' may be a little something extra, then there's a problem.
Dag J...you don't even give me time to respond and answer...now I sound all crazy saying...DITTO to what JAC said, because there really isn't a better answer to the question...there it is
To answer your first question" do I have problems trusting a man that has female friends. I'll say I dont have problems trusting MY man. If I meet a guy of course I will have a little apprehension about accepting that EVERY female he is acquainted with is JUST a friend. Now let's be honest here....just like stated before we may not both be on the same wavelength. I've had guys that I was JUST cool with and it turns out they were deceiving me when they said we were just friends. So in steps the man I am romatically involved with to point out that this guy wants more. Do I trust that the "new" guy is telling the truth or that the "friend" I've had for years now has been lying.
So...yes it may bother me at first if I meet a dude and one or more of the females he is friendly with cause me to draw suspicions. It doesn't mean I dont believe him, it means someone is lying and clearly not everyone seems to see the truth here. If I can validate that there is NOTHING there on either end, then we are cool. If I hear a comment thrown out or a reaction to something that looks a little off then we need to have a sit down (my man and I).
Miss Alissa, thanks for checking out the page and I really appreciate you sharing your story with me. "I can't breath without you". WOW! That's deep and you sound like you really lived a movie (like the one I stole my pics from...LOL). I am sure just from reading that, you must be incredibly happy.
But I must say that it's interesting that all the ladies are saying grey...hmmmmm makes me wonder about what some of my friends are thinking. LOL.
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