Social Anxiety: Prayer Warrior
Social anxiety is an experience of fear, apprehension or worry regarding social situations and being evaluated by others. Last night during my fight to get to sleep I came up with the idea to speak on the different things that may give me or others a feeling of social anxiety...
The Prayer Warrior:
I'm not refering to the Prayer Warrior who will go out of his way to make sure the church is praying for you in your time of need, no that is a caring member of your church that is only wanting to help. The one that causes the social anxiety is that prick that thinks saying grace/blessings over dinner is a competitive sport. You know the guy that doesn't realize that we really don't give a damn h0w well he blesses the food because the fact of the matter is we came to eat and not listen to him (LOL). The same prick that makes a point to outdue you if you ever get selected to say grace. For real, the next time you get the chance to say grace take a peak while you are saying it...that guy across from you with the tightly squinted eyes and sweaty palms that can't stand still, that's him! If you can't point him out that way wait until everyone let's go of each others hands he's the last one to leave the "huddle" with the dissapointed bitter look on his face and the fire in his eyes. Oh yeah he is definitely gonna top that next time...LMAO.
We all have them in the family & friends. It's the guy that never asks to say grace but gets that big smirk when he is selected. He's the one saying grace like it's a performance (LOL). His grace normally consists of a paragraph where every sentence starts with "Dear Father God" OR it's one long sentence where he blesses the food, cleanses the soul, purifies the heart, clears the mind, erases all worries, acknowledges the elderly family members, acknowledges the youth of the family, mourn the lost family members, thank God for the family church, says three hail mary's, spits a "bible verse", quotes the book of Psalms, disproves the DaVinci code......Pray on your own time pimpin' a brotha is trying to eat!!!! DAMN. LMAO.
This past weekend I went out with my cousin who is in the makings of becoming a great "prayer warrior" (for blessing food). We got some appetizers and everyone else was talking so I put a few on my saucer and began to silently say grace so I could eat. Do you know this prick stopped me in mid prayer and called me out for not saying grace in out loud for everyone (J-Rock you piece of shit...LMMFAO). Then waited a moment for everyone else to catch on and then said grace himself. I swear I think that f*cka only did it cause he wanted to hear himself speak. LOL.
If this sounds like you it's cool I have nothing personally against people who like to practice saying grace alone at home (hmmm) but all I'm saying is there is already enough social anxiety that comes with eating in front of folks hoping you don't have bad table manners and praying they don't notice you inhaling the contents of your plate (oh I get's down at the dinner table...LOL). We really don't need the added pressure that comes with living up to this EXTRA way of saying grace.
LOL.
The Prayer Warrior:
I'm not refering to the Prayer Warrior who will go out of his way to make sure the church is praying for you in your time of need, no that is a caring member of your church that is only wanting to help. The one that causes the social anxiety is that prick that thinks saying grace/blessings over dinner is a competitive sport. You know the guy that doesn't realize that we really don't give a damn h0w well he blesses the food because the fact of the matter is we came to eat and not listen to him (LOL). The same prick that makes a point to outdue you if you ever get selected to say grace. For real, the next time you get the chance to say grace take a peak while you are saying it...that guy across from you with the tightly squinted eyes and sweaty palms that can't stand still, that's him! If you can't point him out that way wait until everyone let's go of each others hands he's the last one to leave the "huddle" with the dissapointed bitter look on his face and the fire in his eyes. Oh yeah he is definitely gonna top that next time...LMAO.
We all have them in the family & friends. It's the guy that never asks to say grace but gets that big smirk when he is selected. He's the one saying grace like it's a performance (LOL). His grace normally consists of a paragraph where every sentence starts with "Dear Father God" OR it's one long sentence where he blesses the food, cleanses the soul, purifies the heart, clears the mind, erases all worries, acknowledges the elderly family members, acknowledges the youth of the family, mourn the lost family members, thank God for the family church, says three hail mary's, spits a "bible verse", quotes the book of Psalms, disproves the DaVinci code......Pray on your own time pimpin' a brotha is trying to eat!!!! DAMN. LMAO.
This past weekend I went out with my cousin who is in the makings of becoming a great "prayer warrior" (for blessing food). We got some appetizers and everyone else was talking so I put a few on my saucer and began to silently say grace so I could eat. Do you know this prick stopped me in mid prayer and called me out for not saying grace in out loud for everyone (J-Rock you piece of shit...LMMFAO). Then waited a moment for everyone else to catch on and then said grace himself. I swear I think that f*cka only did it cause he wanted to hear himself speak. LOL.
If this sounds like you it's cool I have nothing personally against people who like to practice saying grace alone at home (hmmm) but all I'm saying is there is already enough social anxiety that comes with eating in front of folks hoping you don't have bad table manners and praying they don't notice you inhaling the contents of your plate (oh I get's down at the dinner table...LOL). We really don't need the added pressure that comes with living up to this EXTRA way of saying grace.
LOL.
posted by Daneger at 8:14 AM
10 Comments:
Dane, loosen up, jeez. It's just a prayer. It's not like Jesus was at the table (physically) with you.
But I do agree that Jon was wack for doing that. But you are both Christian boys so saying grace out loud or to yourself should be nothing new, right? Even my stepdad puts me on the spot from time-to-time and asks me to say grace for the family. I actually relish the moment to get my freestyle Kirk Franklin type prayer off in the midst of my old-school Christian stepfather. Makes me smile inside. In the words of DJ KHALED (yes, him): GOD LOVES ME!
Prayer, shit, LMMFAO, and f*cka all in one paragraph. Classic material. And yes, I know I totally missed the point of the post. Sorry, I my attention was diverted.
Anywho, on some random ish, doesn't it say in the bible somewhere (Matthew chapters 5-8 I think) that you're supposed to pray silently or something like that. Man, I wish I had my Bible on me. I know I'm probably close but not quite right.
Yeah Mike you did kinda miss my point. It wasn't so much about prayer in general as more about making fun of and trying to alieviate the social anxiety of this type of situation by making fun of it (I plan to do the same with other things that cause social anxiety as I come across them). You had to know I was joking when I am talking about prayer and say "fucka"....LMAO. But I agree Jon is a piece of SHYT! LOL.
Oh and yeah it is common practice for the younger adults to have to say prayer for family functions these days so it isn't really anything new.
That's priceless. I have been the victim of 15 to 25 minute altar calls before so I can feel you. I am a to-the-point prayer-giver and let faith take over after I've said what I have to say. So, I feel you! I would love to see a comedian break down different praying styles.
My personal favorite prayer story was a my best friend's birthday at Maggiano's. Nobody wanted to man up and pray so I said, "He knows what's in your heart. Amen." Try that one out if you get the chance. Guaranteed laugh.
all of ya'll are off the hook...
i remember the first time my family asked me to pray I think it was at last year's mother's day dinner...oh boy oh boy...i had the older folks smiling from ear to ear with that one buddy...LOL
but i feel you having someone "put the press" on you to pray is out of control...John knows he was WRONG for that one
@ BMW - LMAO at "He knows what's in your heart. Amen." I think my grandmother would literally fight me for that one. LOL. Classic.
@ TC - Your first time having to say the blessing was last year...man I'm hating. They always take it easy on the women in the family. LOL. I been saying grace since like 20...and they getting them even younger than that now. LOL.
LMBO! I'm laughing at the comments more than I did at the post itself. Ya'll are FUNNY!
Yeah Mike, you're right on the prayer thing in Matthew.
"He knows what's in your heart. Amen." - LMBO!!!!!! I love that!!
Ok. Thanks for keeping it real. FOR REAL!!!
WOW! - I feel the same way...we had a father's day cook out at my Parents house and my Stepfather just happens to be the "PRAYER WARRIOR" at our house. He is a complete H.A.M. with it too!!!
PS. THIS WAS SO FUNNY - when I read the title...I thought:
"hmmmm...what's this about?" and then I got to reading and I started laughing like crazy at my desk!
Good Lookin Dane!
Jessi
Yeah it was meant to be humorous. Glad you enjoyed it.
lmao@Mike's freestyle kirk franklin prayer
This post really cracked me up...I had similar thoughts about several members of the fam (who shall remain nameless), but never really thought of giving them the "prayer warrior" title. It's just so fitting! lol
ONE IN EVERY FAMILY. one of the funniest posts I have ever read in a blog.
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